New Laptop with Windows 10 Survival Guide

a #bacon on jollo exclusive

Preface

Pretend that this section makes a reasonable sounding ethical argument for why Microsoft is an immoral force of evil and you are now convinced that software piracy, particularly against Microsoft, is not only ethical but a moral imparative.. Onward..

Introduction

I have been dreading getting a new laptop for years -- the last laptop I purchased was right around the introduction of the Windows 8 era hell for which Microsoft attempted to stuff down consumers throats software no one wanted in a pathetically clueless catch-up game of marketing against Apple. In 2016, the situation is essentially the same if not worse. I've avoided Windows 10 as hard as  possible, amidst the unbelivable spam campaign forcing users of Windows 7 to upgrade to 10, virtually against their will.  

My laptop died a few days ago and I purchased a temporary, ultra-cheap replacement until a new one comes in. I figured it would be a good chance to test out all that is necessary to do what one would normally have done back in the days of XP -- format it and start from scratch. But because Windows 10 is literally malware, loading up a fresh copy of Windows 10 is essentially like infecting your  computer on purpose..

This guide details basic plans for nuclear war against your own computer that you just bought. Along with some nice suggestions that will make Windows 10 okay to use, as if you were chilling in something comfy like XP.

Preparation

There is a good chance your computer hardware will be rendered useless when you attempt to wipe Windows 10 -- at least untill you can re-install the drivers after you re-install it. For this reason, you need the following equipment: In addition, you will need all the software/drivers your manufactorer offers on their support website for your laptop.

Nextly, grab Windows 10 Enterprise LTSB for either x86 or x64, depending on your CPU. On your device, right click the start button and click System. Look at the System Type line.. if it says 32 bit Operating System go with x86, if it says 64 bit Operating System go with x64.  You are looking for either en_windows_10_enterprise_2015_ltsb_x86_dvd_6848454.iso or en_windows_10_enterprise_2015_ltsb_x64_dvd_6848446.iso .. respectively. There might be some links on this page for that.

Download a copy of Rufus and put your USB drive in your PC. Create a bootable disk using the ISO you just downloaded - and make sure the Partition Type is set to GPT (probably. if you have trouble you'll have to play around with the other options.)

Once you click Start and it prepares the jump drive, make a new folder on that jump drive called 'else' and put all the software/drivers you downloaded from your manufactorer's website in there. This will be handy just in case the Wifi Driver doesnt work for some reason once you re-install Windows.

If you want to go ahead and put all the other software you're going to be using in that else folder.. now would be an OK time to do that. Here is a list of some things that will be useful.

Lastly - you need something that will 'activate' your copy of Windows 10. There might be something in this thread possibly the second mirror.

Possibly grab that and put it in your else folder on your USB drive.

Setup

With your USB drive ready to get rid of your current Windows 10 Telemetry Hell -- keep the USB drive in your PC and right click the Start button and click Control Panel. Click Recovery. Click the If you're having trouble with your PC... hyperlink. Under Advanced Startup click Restart Now.

You will boot into some UEFI b.s. -- click Troubleshoot. Choose the USB Drive option.

It will boot into the Windows 10 Installation. Possibly no hardware will work. If that is the case, plug in the USB Mouse. If your keyboard doesnt work either, click the little icon in the bottom left corner than click and hold in any input field -- it will let you open up an on-screen keyboard.

When you are prompted to connect to a WiFi network.. click 'skip this step'.

Set up by just clicking along - except for the screen where it asks if you want to GET GOING FAST! -- dont do that.

Click the Customized Settings hyperlink on the Get going fast page. Slide every single slider to 'off'.

The installation from hereon out requires no further instruction. You will eventually be booted into Windows (You might have to re-de-check those sliders on the 'Get Going Fast' page if it pops up again.. very sneaky.. just be careful).

Post-Installation

Once you are inside Windows 10 LTSB, click the Start button and type cmd. Type: services.msc. Scroll down to Windows Update and right click it - selecting properties. Opt to ensure that it never starts by selecting Disable from Startup Type. You can do the same thing with Windows Search since it sucks and you can use Agent Ransack instead (along with something like Launchy as a start-button + program-search replacement).

Lastly, open up the thing you might have downloaded from that forum that can activate Windows and run it, clicking the red button. All done.. everything else at this point is generally a matter of user preference. If you are looking to get rid of OneDrive (obviously) this page will detail  what you need to do to get rid of it.

Other things to consider are turning off Windows Defender , System Restore , UAC Notifcations .

last updated july 3, 2016, by funfare